Today my mum scolded me for a few things, like the old times, as usual. I was always being picked on every single little details, things that I hate doing yet I have to do, things that is meaningless and repetitive, things that IF MY SISTER DIDN'T DO, SHE WOULDN'T BE SCOLDED AT ALL. I know this sounds like a little kid's complain like I don't know, a 5,6-years old kid? But it has been like this all along. Look, I hate getting scolded for stupid things like this, I HATE IT EVEN MORE IF I'M BEING TREATED UNFAIRLY.
Sometimes I reflect and it feels like nothing will ever change the fact that my parents will always side my sister, nothing will ever change the fact that I'm always that guy receving all the music from my parents. All I ever did for the past 20 years was just to be better, less mistakes, be outstanding in work, studies and life, achieve FAR better things that my sister didn't. That was the wish I had EVERY SINGLE TIME BEFORE I BLOW MY BIRTHDAY CANDLES. It didn't came true, 20 years, nothing. Right now, the things I've achieved, are way better than what my sister did when she was at my age. Logically, I should be having a 'better' life now, I've got results, I've got certs, I've done things that my sister did too. I was better if not on par in every single aspect of my sister at the age of 20. When she was 20, I was in secondary school, but even before that i primary school, I know I just couldn't lose out, I must win every single time, I must outdo her in every aspect.
When I look at other families siblings all seem so close and warm. I never looked at my family the same way. Yes it would be strange in a way to talk about my family in such a light but this is how I really felt, I never felt like I was in a family since the last time I truly had a smile within this family a few years ago. I know I have to treasure what I have now, my mum, my dad, my sis, but it is just so difficult to understand them and gel with them anymore. I can't even feel that happiness in this group of people anymore. Everyday I just lock myself in my room most of the time and use the com, using it as a platform to get away from this world I live in, occasionally I would go out, sit on the sofa and just watch my dogs sleep, my mum watching tv, my dad and sis won't be there most of the time, I would just stone there and after a little while, walk back into my room. I just don't feel anything here and I don't know why.
I don't know what the future holds for me, my aim was always to be the best in the family, I think it will always stay that way, until I've reached my target.
Tonight, I was scolded at doing the same mistake which I neglected, which my sister didn't bother either. It was like a big smack on my forehead '20 years, and nothing changed.'

Aik! So once again I felt like posting something here haha. Talking about my workplace, I think I'm just glad that I'm going to quit. Mainly becuase that the workplace is just too restrictive, like so many rules and responsibilities without any rise in pay. Everything that can go wrong, is being pushed to our roles and responsibilities, so from now onwards, whatever goes wrong, its just our fault. Nothing to do with the company at all. Yet my pay is still as low. -_- how unfair haha zz..

Secondly, thanks to yvonne I have someone to talk to regarding this but yea SHES a really nice girl, but like what you said, it's best we start to go on our own seperate ways and let nature take its course. I have to admit this has been on my mind like recently couldn't help it but at least I'm glad that I'm quitting soon so nothing is going to happen.

I think overall this workplace is super fun, less the animal-type customers. They say the working hours is long, but with all these companies I thought it was really acceptable, after awhile time will just fly and tada time for closing! (: It made me realise that lowly educated people are really clever, like they know stuff. They know how to make things work. It's very much different from the typical sterotype that we JC people always have about them. I thought coming from St. Gabriels will help me take away that sterotyping but I guess I was wrong. I think they are the ones that make a society click, they are the ones that the society must rely on the most. For this alone I think 4 months in this workplace with a low salary is worth it. Thank you for being there guys.

Okay now that I'm already on my 'ORD' mode, shit many things are coming up. Camps, HK trip lol which I honestly haven't planned for. Time to get all these things settled and start to get my studying brain back! (already having difficulty calculating my multiplication tables zzzz need to actually rely on my calculator..)